Tomorrow is coming.
The other side of the tunnel – is so close… but not too far.

Day 301 aka Jan 8th, 2021
 
STOP!
 
I need you to stop what you are doing.
 
And I need you to trust me.
 
Pretty please and thank you. 

We are 2 days post

You know what I mean. 
 
Yeah…that day….that day that caused the entire planet to stop. Everywhere we looked. News, social media, friends, family. It is nearly impossible to close your eyes without feeling something….pain, anger, grief, raw, numb, scared…..dazed…confused….lost… 
 
I get that. I do. 
 
I really fucking do. 
—-
TLDR: you are feeling something. You need a release. This may not be your thing. So why not try this. Take deep breaths, mute out the world, and go listen to “My Mother’s Savage Daughter” by Wyndreth Berginsdottir. Go listen to it on her website.
 
Continue reading if you need a change of scenery. 
Most of us with a brain – have mentally prepared for endless worse case scenarios since he announced his presidency. I know I do. I am a worst-case scenario prepper. I have to be….
 
Whether you wanted to admit it or not – you are too. We all are. At our very core – our primal instinct is to survive.
 
“How does it end?”  “What happens if x?” “Or y?” “What is it going to take?” I don’t know about you – but if I got a penny for every worst case scenario in the past 5 years I mentally prepared for I would have already quit my corporate job and be a traveling adventurer.
 
I mean seriously.. just when your inner voice starts thinking: “it couldn’t possibly get any wors—..” STOP IT! No.   

….ya jinxed it! Did you say Jumanji?! Maybe it wasn’t even Jumanji….were we all supposed to take a bow? Jump?…. not like I needed anything else to keep me up at night….

 Where was I going with this…… ah yes….This has been the longest SOMETHING of the year….ya know….time blindness is real…I only know the date because of the calendar on my computer…… I couldn’t tell you if these past 2 days feel like 2 days, a week, a month, a year, a decade. 2020 ruined my ability to remember the chronological order of ANYTHING…..ok rant over.
 
Last year, I reached new depths of my personal hell. Legend says a flashlight was dropped down to see how many seconds it took to hit the bottom…. but the bottom still hasn’t been found…..thankfully….I never hit bottom. I caught an air draft that let me slow down just enough to grab the edge of a ledge…..and then I started climbing. 
 
Every few feet, I would get to another ledge. I found my Made Family on one side. and went thru a Spiritual awakening on the other. The super paws pack greeted me on the next. And our girls inspired me to push harder. 
 
But it wasn’t all “Live. Laugh. Love.” ooey gooey warm and fuzzy feelings.
Each time the moon rose – the tunnel above me darkened. My fingers struggled in the frost to many times to count. The first time I lost my grip – I was too scared to try again. I didn’t like that feeling. 

Something had to change. I decided it was ok to allow myself to feel those feelings. I gave myself space to grieve.
 
In exchange – I made a decision to never freeze again. And because of that – every time I fell – the sun stayed a little longer.
 
I was able to make that decision easily because every time I crumbled, you all were there to catch me. So I am here to catch you. 
 
We will never be able to forget the history we are living thru. It is who we are now. Everything we are experiencing is going to fundamentally change who we are. Whether you know it or not. Whether you want it or not.

It is going to hurt. It is going to suck.
It is going to make zero sense right now….

As Thomas Fuller, a 17th century English Theologian once said:

“It is always darkest before the dawn.

If you are like me – you probably have a heart, a soul…a brain. You probably know what empathy means. And you definitely care about The People…The Planet… 
 
If you a decent human being – you are exhausted. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally.

You are fucking done. Nothing is OK. Nobody is OK. Who needs clean dishes when our home is being violently ransacked. 
 
I am mad. I bet you are mad too.
 
I am pissed. I am enraged. And now that my husband and I just binged watched Nicholas Cage’s show on Netflix entitled “The History of Swear Words” – I can confidently say that I am fucking…..lost. 

TRUTH

The chaos is constant. When 24/7 news coverage became a thing – I don’t think this is what they thought would happen….

psssst… ummmmmm so hey yeah uhhhhhh….how long have you been doomscrolling today? …. Oh really? ….. Yeah… I hear ya. Same here. 
 
This morning, I told my husband that I needed to do something cathartic…..to release my…..my pain. Ax throwing….taking a sledgehammer to something in our scrap pile….gun range………ok so I am craving destruction…..Sorrynotsorry
 
But in all seriousness – you know you want to go do something destructive…..screaming in the middle of a forest…. making cake pops (p.s. Thanks Scrambles)…..running your car over a full pop can…

But that won’t happen for awhile. I’m too busy doomscrolling…I mean – I have everyday average human chores……

…….but doomscrolling…..

Fun Fact: 

Word on the interwebs….is that doomscrolling actually a good thing for you…..

Confession time: after I officially launched my business last Saturday (which feels like an eternity ago at this point), I went thru an existential crisis and lost all motivation and desire to do the thing I love. Wednesday morning – I decided today was the day I was going to just put pen to paper, literally…

Then BAM.
Breaking news:

Happened.

I am raw. I am in such a fragile state of being….that I am approaching an unexpected – expected dusk.

We may have all saw this coming. But I don’t think any of us were ready for this level of trauma.


We are in the middle of a storm. It is time to find an anchor and hold on…..I don’t want the fall to hurt so bad this time. 
 
So…I am listening to my gut. And my gut says to feed it release. Release of the pain. Of the anger. Of the hate…Of the fear…. (p.s. I am all for unifying….as long as we meet in the middle with accountability…). 
I am an avid tiktoker. A pro scroller with a love of the “like” you could say. As I was getting ready for bed tonight after actually have a great evening for once in a long butt time…and I scrolled upon a video with a song that sent chills down my spine, forcing my muscles to let go.
 
The never ending chaos slowed. The fog lifted. The walls crumbled. And there it was. The next step. The next ledge to grab on to.
 
A ledge that I want to share with you all.  A place where I can help you find a moment of calm. A moment of peace. A moment that rushes over you and encompasses you with the unconditional support to keep you moving forward.

I need you to do one last thing for me.

Head over to Wyndreth Berginsdottir’s Website. 

Find her song: “My Mother’s Savage Daughter”.

Press play.

Come back and follow the next steps.

Breathe in…2…3…4…hold…2…3…4…breathe out…2…3…4….

Relax your shoulders…Let it go…just like that. 

Now roll them up to your ears….mmhmmm and roll them backwards…. Beautiful.

Breathe in…2…3…4….wonderful. now hold…2…3…4…and release…2…3…4…. 

How did that feel?

Next, put your hands on your knees. …
Yup just like that.
On your next breath in – chins up, crown straight, eyes focused.
You got this. I got you. 
You are strong. I got your back.

Now mute the world around you.

Turn up the volume or better yet- grab some headphones.

Press play again. 

Close your eyes. Breathe. And Refuel.

My heart is heavy.
Chaos seems infinite.
I know I am not the only one that feels like they are drowning. 

You are NOT alone.

This is just one technique to help keep you from hitting bottom. 

What techniques do you use to ground yourself?
What is your cathartic release?
What keeps you fighting for the light? 
What keeps you sane?

Tomorrow is Coming.
The other side of the tunnel – is so close…but not too far.

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